A Very Different Kind of Run

If I am going to blog about yesterday's run, why is there a photo of boxing gloves at the top of my post? I had an aha moment yesterday morning as I was preparing to go on my run. I spend a lot of time fighting; shadow boxing really because there is nothing to fight. There is no me against ....; only me against myself. By bringing the fighting into my awareness, I am able to release it and release a lot of the energy that has been bound up in this struggle.

I know that there have been many, many times when I wish I did not have to work 'so hard' at keeping myself healthy. I wish that I could do a little stretching, don my running clothes and out the door I go with my husband Tom as we run a 9 minute mile for a long run stride by stride, side by side. Cut. Print. It's a beautiful scene in my mind's eye. Feeling it in my imagination makes me smile.

Back to yesterday. It was cloudy and cool out and unlike other runners, I much prefer sun and warmth. It's the way my body is wired right now. So many times I would brave and fight against the cold ignoring how I really felt about all of this. But before yesterday's run I felt a sense of sadness for what is or what I wish could be but side by side with the sadness I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and appreciation. The 'wishing for' was transformed into loving acceptance.

Before I began the practice of yoga, it was a struggle for me to work out. I pushed myself and used as a motivator the comments I would receive on Daily Mile, Just Finish or Facebook. My favorite is from my friend, Doug Welch who would say 'strong work.' I was running or working out to please others. I would focus on PR's and what my pace was not so much for inner satisfaction but to receive validation from the outside in. Yes, I was still proving myself. I was fighting against internalized voices and I was fighting against the voice of self loathing.

Once I tapped into the struggle and how I was feeling, and released the desire to have a big breakfast and just lounge around, I experienced a very different kind of run from what I have experienced in the past. I ran inside my body. I ran for me. As Tom and I were running up a hill, the scene from Matthew Sanford's book "Waking" came to mind. It didn't matter how I looked running up the hill; what mattered is how I felt in my body. I didn't struggle up the hill. I felt connected to my body in motion. I was in the moment, experiencing the green on the trees and the smell of Spring in the air. I was doing this run for a good cardio work out and to train for upcoming road races.

My perspective about road races has shifted as well. I again looked inside and focused on why am I choosing to run road races? The number one reason for me now is - It Is Fun! I love the camaraderie of the runners; I love the energy of people being outside and doing something that is healthy. I love being a part of a scene that still holds newness and excitement for me since I began running only 3 years ago. I release all expectations. I move inside my body and check in with how much I can challenge and when I need to, as Sarah Sturges says, 'do less.'

During yesterday's run I felt a thrill. I felt joy that I could be in the outdoors allowing my heart rate to climb running next to my husband. He power walked to my pace but it didn't matter. He made sure that I kept a good strong pace and had me check in with both how I was feeling and what my heart rate monitor said. We looked at the beauty of the reservoir and noticed a turtle sitting on a rock. There was a flock of geese who took off together in unison.

During the final stretch of our run, I took off into a sprint. I felt so free in my body in that moment. To prepare for the sprint I harnessed the image of the warrior. I felt the power and connection to the Divine. I channelled the goddess within. I felt whole. I was alive in that moment and joining with myself to be the healthiest and best I can be. And that's all that mattered. It was a different kind of run.

God bless, be well and live like you were dyin'
From my heart to yours with love and light,
Mary

Be sure to vote for me in Impowerage's writing contest, "It's Never Too Late To..." I'm a finalist with a grand prize of having my story featured in Impowerage's website and $500 cash. I know I am already a winner but it would be awesome to win this contest and share my inspirational journey of transformation.